Dealing with the emotions and reclaiming my power.
During quarantine in NYC I was working from home. Grateful that my company allowed me to work from home and earn a living while so many were losing their jobs within a week of the quarantine mandate. I was worried just a little but when we got back it felt as though it was business as usual. In fact, I started working on new projects that I was excited about. Within three weeks of being back I was in my office ready to start my new project when I got the call to the conference room. I walked into the room and knew immediately. I had the regional manager to my left, a laptop in front of me with the HR person safe at home and my direct manager to my right. They eliminated my department, they told me it wasn't my perfermance but COVID-19 and they are restructuring the entire East Coast.
I tried to remain calm but then I lost it. All the thoughts ran through my head; how am I going to pay my rent, my bills, how am I going to eat? How long will my savings last? How am I going to find a job now when the entire world is locked down? Why wasn't I good enough? Do they not see the value of what I do? I didn't hear a thing they said except that I can apply for another position in another department. But, but..I'm overqualified, why can't you just transfer me? Why do I have to interview if you know my work ethic and my experience? So many questions. P.S. I do not recommend crying with a mask on. It was messy and I kept telling myself to stop crying while I was crying. Don't let them see you like this. But my thoughts got the best of me. I felt betrayed, I came back and this was your plan the entire time? I love my job! I know that is so rare but I truly loved my job. It was fun and I was the only one in my position. But they didn't see the need and now here I am at home.
This was the first time I ever experienced this and it felt surreal. I had to be escorted to my office and the management staff had to stand there why I cleared out my personal belongings. I felt like a criminal. Mine, not mine. Here is my company id, credit card, laptop and mobile phone. Bags and bags of personal items, oh did I mention that this also happened during the first summer storm in NYC. It was the worst rain storm, lighting, wind blowing and dark. I had all my belongings then security had to check me out. Sunglasses on, wet mask from all my tears trying to stay calm and not sniffle while they checked everything. Here I am with my umbrella and shopping bags filled with my office life. I sat on the train crying hysterically. NYC is still quarantined but there are a few people on the train, mostly men. This one guy is playing his radio and I was so done. I started to scream, "NOT TODAY! I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS SHIT!" I got up and switched cars. I proceeded to cry hysterically. I sent a group message to my friends of what happened. In the past I would would have never shared so quickly or ask for help but even though I was going through it a part of me was like, you've been through worse. This is not the end. Hello you have your blog and your Beachbody business. Now it's your time! But yes, I still cried hysterically.
I got home, threw everything down and just sat on my coach crying. My phone was blowing up. My team started texting me that they just found out since one of my colleagues came to my office to work on our project while I was clearing out and she saw what happened. My friends kept telling me everything was going to be okay. I went to the kitchen and made myself a Dark & Stormy. How appropriate right? The day was dark and stormy and what just happened felt the same. I had the courage to share on my instagram, just a picture of the drink saying cheers, I lost my job today but I got this. I refused to allow myself to wallow even though I was crying and my eyes were getting swollen. I told myself today I'll cry it out. It was Friday so I planned to enjoy the weekend and on Monday just start fresh.
Monday rolled around, I did all the things. I worked out, updated my resume, looked for new jobs and applied. I made some calls to a few contacts and started planning my next moves. I've always been independent, creative and always wanted to share and help others. Well I already have a blog and oh I'm a Beachbody coach. Ironically, we were suppose to have a summit in New Orleans that week but it was cancelled because of COVID-19 so it was going to be virtual this year. Why isn't this perfect timing! I don't have to work and I can attend everything without worrying. It was a sign!
As our virtual summit came and went, I sat and thought I always wanted to do this, be my own boss. People need me, people can relate to my story and in an age where we can connect with so many people it's time I help those people. I've built teams, empowered and motivated people in every job I've had, so why can't I do it on my own? This is the perfect time. So while I am still looking for something as a back up. I am dedicating my time to my Beachbody business and committing to help others reach their financial and fitness goals.
Losing my job was emotional but it was a reminder that you can never depend on a company to take care of you. You have to be prepared, you have to follow your dreams despite all the fears. Beachbody has been one of the reasons why I remained postitive despite the unknown. My teammates message me, people in the Beachbody community from other teams messaged me. I even had someone from another team send me a blender because mine broke the day before I lost my job and I had shared it on social media. She wanted to cheer me up. I mean how can anybody not want to be a part of this community? I would have never have dealt with this sudden shift in my life like this before. In the past I would close up, not share, cry and basically say why me! But when I joined Beachbody years ago, I learned that I wasn't the only one with a story or past. That I have the power to change my life. I can make my life whatever I want it to be. That I have a support system, its not just about a workout. So I dealt with my emotions. I told myself let it out today but tomorrow you take full control.
You have the power to create the life you want. It's so funny that I preach that. I mean I have always done the things I set my mind to but I guess I expect more from myself. I expected to be in a different stage in my life because I know there is more. I've seen it with my own eyes throughout the years working in luxury and with the wealthy. I've also seen a lot of success with other coaches in my network that build a team of people that want more. So this time, its about building and creating my dream. I know it won't be easy but the last three weeks has taught me that I can live the life I want my way with a community of people that care for one another. Not only am I reclaiming my power but I am will use it to help other too.